Handwriting on the Desk and Other Random Parenting Hints

Handwriting on the Desk and Other Random Parenting Hints

If your child is in elementary school and keeps forgetting the same things, type up a "to do" list and tape it to their desk. When one of our sons was in fourth grade, the teacher had encouraged her children children to do this - not just ADHD kids. I saw 'how to label a paper', 'what to pack for home', 'what to unpack in the morning', and 'before I speak'. (I'm not saying whose that was!) It's a life skill to make lists, so all children should learn how.

If in the chaos of changing classes, your middle schooler can't remember what's needed for each class, here's a hint for you. It was sent in by Barbara. "My eleven year old son…just started middle school. Everyday he leaves with an index card in his back pocket. On the index card is his schedule for that particular day. We list the subjects in order along with the classroom locations. He is allowed two locker stops during the day and one at the end of the day. On the index card we note the times for locker stops with a bold black line. Then he knows which books to take with him to classes, until the next locker stop. Otherwise he would probably carry all of his books with him, all day long, for fear he would forget something. It works for us!"

Get your children in the habit of saying positive things. One family I know has a "best thing" time each night at dinner. Each member of the family - even the teenagers! - tells the most positive thing that happened to them that day. Another encouraging exercise is to go around the table and have each person say something positive about the other family members. Of course, our oldest son's favorite compliment used to be, "He's got an awesome big brother." Ron turned 23 yesterday. He'd probably say the same thing if we did this tonight. :)

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Focus Pocus

"Focus Pocus" was Ron's Facebook status the other day. I didn't ask him about it, but I can only imagine why he posted. Maybe in the throes of studying, Facebook beckoned. More likely, in the throes of Facebooking, his conscience called him to study.

Anyhow, it's a great title. There are many little 'magical' strategies that help improve focus. None of them work all of the time - nothing works all of the time for our kids! All of them work some of the time, and chances are one of the following will work for you today:

Limit the Viewing Area - Cut down on distractions by limiting what the eye can see - or what the ear can hear.

• When reading, use a plain 3x5 or 4x6 index card with a small area cut out in the center for lines of print to show when reading. This blocks out everything on the page except what is being read. Make your own, or purchase this Typoscope for fifty cents.


• In class or at home, give your child a study carrel. It can be as elaborate as the ones they use at the library, or as simple as a box cut out. (When Joe was in fourth grade, that's what his teacher used.) Check out these, which are cheaper than I ever imagined: ClassroomProducts.com.


• Have your child do homework in an area that is visually plain. Limit things on the wall, on shelves, on the floor. Close the door, or block the view with a sheet. My office - which used to be study central - still has only one picture on the wall.


• Keep the television off - even if it's in the next room. Our guys could hear - and pay attention to - the television if it were on downstairs and across the house. We had the unpopular rule of no television for anybody on school nights. I know, we're strange.

Take It In Spurts Hooked on Phonics taught me this strategy - and boy does it work. Break things down into smaller bites, like a telephone number.

• Instead of giving your child one page with 20 math problems, copy the problems five at a time onto four sheets of paper. You can copy by hand or using a photocopier with an enlarger.


• When your child has material to read, change it up. Read the first section to your child, have her read the next section aloud to you, then read the third section silently. As always, make sure the material is understood.


• Make small goals/rewards for work. Section an orange, and say, write two definitions, then have a section. Do part one of the homework contract, and run out and get the mail.

Keep the Real Task in Mind - There are multiple skills at use for each task your child is given. It's important to figure out the primary purpose of an exercise, and make sure that is where the major focus is placed. In order to do this, it's okay to occasionally do some of the non-focus stuff for your kids. You should let the teacher know when (and why) you give extra help.

• If your child has problems in the math book, you copy them onto the paper. (It's about math, not copying.)


• Occasionally, read social studies out loud to your child, instead of having him read it silently. (The important part is the content.)


• Gather everything needed for the homework session. (Work on organization tomorrow!)

Inspired by Ron, I'm getting ready to release a new guide called "Focus, Pocus". In it, you'll find hint after hint for helping your child to pay attention. If you'd like advance notification for "Focus Pocus", sign up for the newsletter.

See you there!


Kayla

PS You can also sign up at the website at www.goaskmom.com.

ADHD Hint - Saving Time & Money

A long time ago, a friend of mine had the coolest system that she used to simplify her life during school. She cooked all at once on the weekend, and made meals for the entire week. Then she stuck the meals in her freezer, and used them on those busy school nights when she would have ordinarily gone out for fast food. It's an idea whose time has come back around.

With the busi-ness of school, the tightness of our pocketbooks, and the new awareness of just how unhealthy restaurant food can be, it's really time to give home-cooked meals a second chance. Those of us with ADHD kids have added reason to save time and serve more nutritious meals. I've just found a guide that will help you do just that. I love it! It's called "Freezer Cooking Made Simple", and it makes meal cooking easy, but since you do it mostly all at once - it makes it fast. You owe it to yourself - and your family - to take a look at this deliciously practical guide at HillbillyHousewife.com. Check it out. You'll thank me next time this week!

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An Encouraging Word - And ADHD Success Story

It's always so encouraging when readers send in success stories. Here's a great one*.

Our oldest, an eighteen year old boy, has matured so much in the last year. A little over a year ago, he wasn't that connected to the youth group, hadn't found his spot, he was at a deadend with school and gravatating to "friends" who were probably only good for providing him with self medicating products which we were watching extra closely. Then he lost his best friend, who died from an accident a year ago. Since then, we found (no - God led us to ), an amazing sports program that started out being for homeschool boys and ended up also including at risk kids as well. It is led by some of the most Godly men I've ever met - with a heart for seeing these young boys grow into Godly men. Our son joined a team for the first time in his life. He now attends their school and comes home, sits down to homework, gets up early to work on homework without me asking - a miracle in this house. He also tried out and joined the youth band as the drummer.

He found his spot. He's been overseas on a mission's trip, and is now interning at the church in the youth group over all youth events and worship activities with a college graduate who has become his mentor. This week he's leading the band in an entire set of songs that not only glorify God but are a remembrance of his friend's life...All that to say, as moms, as parents, we know God has a purpose for them and when it doesn't follow the path and pattern that most seem to follow, it just makes us dig in a little deeper to help them find their way to success and their purpose because we know its there.

I'd love for you to add your success story in the comment section below. We all need an encouraging word now and then!

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*Note that the names and details are changed for the sake of privacy:

Spelling Success for Back to School

Back to school. Whether you approach this time of year with anticipation or dread, it's about to happen. New teachers and classes, different rules and expectations, leave children and parents overwhelmed with excitement and anxiety. Below are six ways to send your child back to school with success.

Supplies - Most schools provide a list of essentials for each child to bring on the first day of class. Make sure your child has exactly what is requested, and save enough cash for those supply needs that crop up the first week of class. Stock up on all types of paper, writing utensils, art supplies, notebooks and folders during the back to school sales. Gather an assortment of calculators and reference books. There is nothing that gives confidence like the satisfaction of having just the right tool for the job. Check out our families' comprehensive list of supplies at http://www.goaskmom.com/MomsToDo/Staples_ADHD.html.

Communication - While summer is still in session, visit the school and meet the secretary and principal. Limit yourself to brief introductions, but offer your support to help make a great school year. Leave your name, telephone and email so the school can contact you if they need help. The first week of school, write the teacher a letter introducing your child, and briefly listing strengths and weaknesses. Share important information such as family situation and medical needs. Finally, tell the teacher you would like to meet during the second month of school to strategize ways to work together for your child's education.

Habits - Children usually crave routine. A couple of weeks before school, transition children to the schedule they will follow once the year begins. Send them to bed and have them get up earlier. Adjust mealtimes. Once school is in session, quickly establish routines for homework and chore. Make it a habit to prepare the next day's clothes, lunches, and school gear each evening.

Orientation - Familiarize your child with the all the places she will be during the school day. Follow the bus or car pool route. Arrange a visit to the school before it begins. Practice the route into the building. Find the bathrooms, the library, and the lunchroom. If your child is in middle or high school, let them walk their schedule until they feel comfortable. See if there are volunteer opportunities that will help your teen to feel more at home in the maze of corridors that line most campuses.

Organization - Buy into the adage "a place for everything, and everything in its place". A two drawer file cabinet works well as a center to organize a child's school/home communication, backpacks, shoes, and homework. Each afternoon, school gear and shoes go in. Before bed, add clothes, bookbag, notes and homework for the next day. In the morning, everything is in one spot, and makes it easier for the child to get dressed and ready. (For an ingenious organizing tool designed especially for our boys, check out our new "PAC-kit" student planner!)

Love - Insensitive classmates, missed buses, forgotten homework and misunderstood math can make school a traumatic place. Shield your child by expressing your love over and over again. Tell her you love her. Give him a hug. Hide a love note or symbol in an Algebra book. Offer your time, your understanding, and your prayers. With the teacher as your partner, wrapping your children in love is the best way to spell a successful beginning to the school year.

PS Again, one of the best back to school tools ever is "PAC-kit" student planner

Three Tips for … Back to School

Thanks to Alana Morales for this great guest post!

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Back to school time is quickly approaching – are you ready? I know I am. My kids need a set routine and unfortunately, as hard as I try, I can’t provide enough structure for them. They are ready to be back around their friends and I am ready for them to burn off some energy during the day.

Heading back to school means heading back into the land of homework, morning rituals and killer time management strategies. Here are three tips to help you prepare for the craziness of going back to school.

1. Student readiness. Sit down with your child and come up with some goals for the next school year. Once you decide on a few (I would say no more than 5), find a place to post them (inside of binder, over desk) and then make a plan on how you will reach those goals. Keep these in an easy to reach place as well.

Once this is figured out, try to come up with a school organizational plan. Who will go through the backpack daily? Where? Where will homework be placed? What about field trip notes, class newsletters, etc? Try to have this all figured out before school begins to keep things streamlined.

2. Teacher Readiness. Have you prepared a letter to your student’s teacher? Even if you don’t know who their teacher is, you can still write a draft of a letter or email. Explain your child’s ADHD, explain the accommodations that seem to work best for them and you can even tell about the type of support they can expect from you at home.

Being proactive will let the teacher know that you are ready to be an integral part of your child’s education. Just be sure to approach everything positively so, otherwise the teacher may be worried about what they will be dealing with for the school year.

3. Your Readiness. OK, so I’ve told you how to get your child and your child’s teacher ready for the new school year, but what about you? What have you done for yourself lately? Maybe you could go out for a nice quiet dinner, a pedicure or even a massage before the craziness of the year hits your family. One of the most important factors in your childs success is your attitude and ability to help them. If you are recharged, you will have more patience to deal with the challenges you will undoubtedly face. Don’t think of it as being selfish; think of it as a way to help you run at optimal efficiency. You need to be on your toes so much that you need to remember to take time for yourself as well.
Remember, getting things ready before school starts can make a big difference in preparing your family with as little stress as possible for an ADHD family. Enjoy!

Have a question about your child’s education? You can also follow me on Twitter at www.Twitter.com/alanamorales.com for my mom and ADHD tips. More tips available at my online ADHD blog – www.MommyADD.com.

Alana Morales is the author of Domestically Challenged: A Working Mom’s Survival Guide to Becoming a Stay at Home Mom. You can learn more about the author at her website, www.AlanaMorales.com.

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Memorization Hint...

The human mind remembers best the first and last things it encounters. This is why telephone numbers and social security numbers are hyphenated. When studying with your child, sometimes it helps to break the sessions into small sets of information, so there are more beginnings and ends. If you have 20 vocabulary words, for example, study the first five after school, the second set right before dinner, the third set after dinner, and the last before bed.

Like this hint? Then you need to check out Memory Training for Students? For those of you that got the program, don't you love it? Write and tell me how it's going for you! If you missed my plug last week...Memory Training for Students teaches very powerful techniques to solve the problem of memorizing the information students need to know. It's great for school, and it's great for life. (Yes, I've used the stuff!) If you and your child have reviewed information over and over, only to have it disappear at test time or shortly thereafter, you need Memory Training. The program is an instant download of a set of five audio .mp3's and a workbook. They are fun to listen to, and easy to follow. Go check it out now, and then forward this newsletter to others - your child's teacher, your best friend, your family…

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Three Tips for Finishing Out the School Year - By Alana Morales

Ending the school year can be a joyous time. A time to look forward to a few months of no homework, a time to work on building skills (and not just video game skills) and a time for siblings to drive each other crazy on a much bigger scope. It's also a time to remain diligent about studies - you don't want to have your student trip up at the end of the year and undo all their hard work for the school year.

Here are my top three factors to keep in mind as you finish out the school year:

1. End of the Year Review. Talk to your student's teacher to get an assessment of your child's strengths and weaknesses. It will also be a good idea to get an idea of what you will need to be mindful of for the next school year. Some areas you can cover are:

• Classroom Accommodations


• Academic areas of strength


• Academic areas to work on over the summer


• Any social skill concerns


• Organizational skills they might need in an advanced grade


• Medication issues - review the coverage the meds provided so you know if you need to decrease or increase for the following year.

This is a time to get a complete overview of your child's academic progress over the year and plan for next year. It doesn't have to be a long, arduous process - send an email asking what you need to know. If you explain your purpose to the teacher, they should be more than willing to help out and provide feedback.

2. Keep Up with Social Skills. Since social skills can be a sticky areas for ADHD kids, find ways to maintain their friendships over the long summer. Have your student get phone numbers or email addresses of their favorite classmates so they can keep in touch.

To help your child foster new friendships, find a summer activity for them to participate in. Summer school or recreational classes are great and affordable ways to get your kids involved and keep them off the couch this summer. Your local newspaper is another great place to find local camps. Some areas even have camps that are specifically for ADHD kiddos.

3. Start Your Preparation for the Next Year. I know it seems early, but think about and brainstorm for the next school year. Here are some of the things to think about:

• What can I do differently?


• What worked?


• Is there anything I can streamline to make it easier for me/my child/my family?


• What supplies do you need to replenish your homework center? You can gradually add to this over the summer to prevent the before school rush.


• Updating your child's ADHD binder. Don't have one? In a future column, I will cover the basics of organizing an ADHD binder so you have all your students' information in one handy location.

You should also think about other things related to school. Did you have to scramble during the year to find a tutor? Take the summer to find one that you can use on a drop in basis. Thinking that an independent psychological evaluation will be helpful to have? Schedule one for over the summer. Many offices are scheduling several months in advance.

Stay tuned for the summer issues, where I will discuss 504 plans, ADHD binders and easy and fun summer enrichment ideas.

Have a question about your child's education? Email me at add@alanamorales.com to have your question answered.


Author Bio:

Alana Morales is the author of Domestically Challenged: A Working Mom's Survival Guide to Becoming a Stay at Home Mom. She is also a veteran English teacher and the mom of two ADHD kids. Despite being an English teacher, she dearly values her Psychology degree and is impressed at how often it comes in handy. You can learn more about the author at her website, www.AlanaMorales.com.


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Free Learning Styles Assessment Test

A Learning Styles Assessment is right for you if you answer most of these questions "Yes!"

•Are you frustrated with your child's low grades or lack of motivation?

•Is your homelife stressful due to homework hassles and poor report cards?

•Have you tried absolutely everything to help your child get higher grades?

•Do you have a bright child who seems to know information, then forgets it during the test?

•Are you truly serious about doing something different to help your child succeed?

Finding out your child's learning style with is key to helping your child really learn.
Get a free assessment of your child's learning style, and watch it raise grades and test scores! You'll find out how your child's personal learning style can create higher grades in 14 days with your free learning styles assessment!

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Modification for Classwork - Helping Kids Stay Focused

"With math homework we modify doing odds or evens if there are more than 10 questions. Also we just implemented a "dot" system. When she is doing classwork, she has to check in after doing X amount of problems and if she stays on track and finishes it in class she gets Dots. This encourages her to keep focused and helps the teacher know when she is struggling and needs help. The Dots are then sent home for us to use on assignments. We then uses the dot's on homework. One dot for one question she doesn't have to do. For example, if she has ten math questions, but earns five Dots in class, she only has five problems to do."

Even without the Dot rewards, this is a great system. For many children, the dots themselves are reward enough. Another good idea for this is to mark the intervals on the paper. If, for example, five questions are a Dot set, put a highlighted mark after question number five. The mark makes a goal, and reaching that goal gives a sense of accomplishment.

NOTE: This great hint is from a discussion on Facebook.



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Three Most Important Ways to Take Charge of Your Child's Education

Today's blog post features a couple of things specifically for families with children or adults with ADHD. The first is an article written especially for our newsletter by Alana Morales, the author of Domestically Challenged: A Working Mom's Survival Guide to Becoming a Stay at Home Mom. In addition to being a writer, Alana is also a veteran English teacher and the mom of two ADHD kids. Despite being an English teacher, she dearly values her Psychology degree and is impressed at how often it comes in handy. You can learn more about Alana at her website, www.AlanaMorales.com.

One of the best gifts a parent can give their child is a strong educational foundation. Parenting a child with ADD or ADHD and surviving the school age years is a tough enough task as it is. One of the biggest challenges we face when parenting our kids is striking a balance between helping them develop skills to improve their academic skills and allowing them to make mistakes and then learn from them.

Here are my top three ways to take charge of your child's education:

1. Communicate with the teacher. Being the parent of a child with ADD/ADHD takes a lot of work. It is vital to your student's success for you to remain in contact with the teacher. This does not mean that you need to email the teacher daily for reports, but regular contact with the teacher will help you keep tabs on things like academic areas that need improvement, how well medications are working (or if they need dosage adjustments) and how your child is doing socially.

At the beginning of the school year, introduce yourself to the teacher (or teachers) and just let them know that you will be keeping tabs on little Johnny's progress. Many teachers will be happy to know that they have the support of someone at home.

2. See if your child qualifies for classroom accommodations.
Many parents don't realize it, but if you have a child that has ADD/ADHD and it impacts their classroom learning, they may qualify for what is called a 504 plan. At the risk of being overly simple, a 504 plan is a legal document that protects your student and stipulates that the school must make certain accommodations in the classroom to level the learning playing field.

If this is an avenue you want to pursue, the first step is to mention it to your child's teacher. The teacher will then talk to school and set up a 504 meeting. In this meeting, you will sit down with relevant school officials to determine whether your child may benefit academically from accommodations.

3. Be supportive, but don't enable.
During the school years, it will be vital for you as parents to support your child in their education. The important point to keep in mind is that supporting does not equal enabling. Enabling runs the gamut, from doing things like completing tasks for them to making excuses for their academic performance (or lack thereof).

How can you tell the difference? Look at who is doing most of the work. If you are doing more than a minimal amount, you may be enabling. If your student doesn't get something done because they mismanaged their time, that is ultimately their responsibility, not yours, and they need to be responsible for their actions. Just because they have ADD/ADHD doesn't mean that you should be there to rescue them. If they are working on a homework assignment and it takes them two hours to finish, then write a note to the teacher explaining that it was a rough night. Don't write a note asking for more time simply because they didn't start their homework right away - this is enabling.


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Helping an ADHD Child Remember

I Facebooked back and forth a couple of weeks ago with a mom. She told me a story that is so textbook ADHD-Inattentive, that I asked her if I could share it with you. I had planned to put it all in the newsletter, but changed my mind and have given it an entire webpage. Here's the beginning...

Tonight, I sit here feeling like I am failing as a parent of an ADHD child. My daughter is such a good kid, but her forgetfulness, impulsiveness and disorganization has become an all time high. She has just received her 3rd after school detention for the same thing-not turning in her homework. She is in middle school and they are teaching them about being more responsible to get them ready for high school next year.

They get a check every time it happens and when they reach 4 they get an hour after school. It is wiped clean every 9 weeks so the checks do not carry over. It is also per teacher as well. So now, if she receives another detention before the end of the year, she will get a Saturday detention AND lose going on their field trip to the water park.

I went through her backpack and binder tonight to find a STACK of papers that she didn't need anymore. I haven't done that in a while, thinking that she was getting better being organized. Boy, was I wrong! She has so much potential and is so smart. I don't want her to lose out on any opportunities because of something as stupid as forgetting her homework...

Read the rest of this story here!

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Five Hints for Homework

When you're in the middle of a marathon homework session, encourage your child to continue focusing by giving frequent concentration breaks. Say, "You'll need to focus really well for the next 10 minutes, then you'll get a break." (Why does this remind me of Lamaze class?!)

Highlight processing signs (plus, minus, divide, etc.) on your child's math homework so he'll remember to do the correct operation.

In your quest toward homework independence, your child might just need a jump start. When she begins a subject, do the first problem or two with her, or help write that first sentence, or have her read the first paragraph aloud. It's like riding a bike - sometimes you just need a push-off.

If your son has a habit of scribbling down homework assignments onto a piece of paper and losing them, follow the example of the mom who placed a large container right where her son came into the house. As he comes in from school, she has him deposit everything on his body - bookbag, books, pens, pencils, sports equipment. She also makes him empty his pockets, so that the assignments can be located when it's time to begin homework.

Make a study zone for homework - with a file tote which contains assorted supplies (looseleaf paper, pencils, pens, scissors, rulers, markers, etc), as recommended in Homework Without Tears, a great resource.
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From the Archives...A Homework Nightmare

Welcome to this week's Ounce of Ketchup! I'll be blunt. I hope your week has been better than ours. Without going into the gory details, well…let's just do Thursday night.

After we discovered that two of the boys had projects due Friday involving poster board, my husband volunteered to go buy extra. He came home with three science boards. Thankfully, we had just enough poster board in our supply closet. Somebody remind me to buy more before the next crisis occurs.

Ron had two projects due that he hadn't started (she types with clenched teeth). One was a collage. My husband and I were up after midnight helping him find and print pictures. Ron was still doing the other project on the way to school Friday morning.

For once, thankfully, Joe had a very light night. Although he had a major test Friday, we had already studied because he thought the test was Thursday! So we reviewed a bit, and read a chapter of To Kill a Mockingbird.

Then there was Mike, who rarely asks for help. He was stuck on the principles of electricity. Voltage and amperes and ohms. (Oh my!) After an hour of chapter review, he felt confident enough to do his homework, and I felt confident enough to plug in an appliance.

Finally there was Ash. (The one without ADHD!) He had to reach his Accelerated Reader goal by Friday, which meant had to completely read one book and type a book report on another. PLUS he had not completed a project correctly and the teacher sent it home for him to redo. He got the reading and the report done, but spent three hours in class to next day finishing the project. His teacher has more patience with him than I do - I think I would have given him a zero!

And that was just one night…Weeks like this that made me start "Who Put the Ketchup in the Medicine Cabinet?" Weeks like this make me wonder what business I have giving hints about how to keep kids focused, organized, encouraged, and successful! Nonetheless, below you will find your weekly dose.

Until next week, remember: You're not the only one!

PS If you're looking for ways to Wake Up from the Homework Nightmare - read how we figured it out at http://www.goaskmom.com/homework.

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A Bubble of Confidence - Standardized Testing Tips

John is in the fourth grade, and his school has announced the dates for the end of the year standardized testing. Given that John struggles academically, how should his parents approach this event?

A. Hope for the best.
B. Pressure John to pay attention and study.
C. Tell John just to do his best.
D. Ensure John is prepared emotionally and academically.

Most parents have a lot to say about the validity and necessity of standardized tests. Your viewpoint on the subject will not change the fact that your child will soon face the rigors of the dreaded end of year exam. Like it or not, the scores and percentiles are quite important to your child's future. Children are given a vast amount of knowledge throughout the school year, and are expected to be able to recall enough to answer the questions on a seemingly endless battery of tests. Teachers have been preparing their classes all year. Parents can also ready a child for testing by offering emotional encouragement and academic support.

Take responsibility. I visited a classroom of third graders recently, and one of the children shared that she was afraid to take the end of grade test. The teacher was out of the room, so the assistant answered the child. "You don't have to worry one bit. Your teacher will teach you everything you need to know." Tell your child that you and her teacher are going to work together to ensure test readiness. Take the burden of responsibility off the child, and listen for the sigh of relief.

Practice the format. The first time I did my taxes myself, I was overwhelmed. In the following years, the process seemed easier. The procedure was just as difficult, but I was familiar with the form. Make sure your child has a chance to practice the test in the exact format he will see it on testing day. The text formatting, page layout, and wording of instructions should be exactly the same, so that on testing day, your child will be familiar with everything but the actual questions. Your school probably already gives these practice tests. If not, Amazon.com offers a wide range of test prep materials.

Make a plan. Find out if your child has any questions or concerns about testing. What if his pencil breaks? What if the calculator doesn't work? What if she has to go to the restroom? What if a question is just too hard? Get answers from the child's teacher, and while you're at it, find out all the test taking strategies taught in the classroom. Help get rid of a few more anxieties by teaching your child how to skip a question or signal for a new pencil.

Teach relaxation. Remember Lamaze class? Share your favorite relaxation techniques with your child. Teach her to tackle only one question at a time. Help him to tighten and relax muscles to relieve tension. Teach self-encouragement phrases: "You can do this. That one was hard, but this is a new question."

Clear the calendar. The night before a test, clear the calendar. Skip athletic games, scout meetings, dance lessons and piano. Your child probably won't have any homework, but resist the temptation to review academics. Lay out clothes and lunches for the next day, and use the rest of the time for the family, with a nutritious meal, a family movie, and an early and stress free bedtime.

Express unconditional love. Whether your child bubbles in correctly or not, expressing your love will create a bubble of confidence that will be hard to break. Even if scores never reach the 99th percentile, make it clear that your love will be there 100% of the time. To your child, this is the percentile that counts.

Read Multiplying Success and Comprehending Comprehension, for specific test taking strategies for the math and reading portions of standardized tests.

Vote for This MOM

One of our readers is in a contest, and you can help her win with one click. As the coowner of Big Dog Taekwon-Do school, she's in a competition to be named a leading mom in business. Many of her students have ADHD. Here's what she says: "We have heard from parents and professionals alike that participation in a program like ours helps improve focus because we do emphasize so much self awareness and self control. We are attempting to influence as many young people as we can to not only teach them valuable self defense skills but to help them learn to be more self confident!" Please take a second and go vote here! You don't have to sign up, give your email, or get cookied in any way.

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In the Navy

Speaking of remembering, some of you have been asking about our second son, whose ADHD was the inspiration for "Who Put the Ketchup in the Medicine Cabinet?" back in 2002. I haven't mentioned him in almost two years, because he joined the US NAVY, and was attending boot camp and undergoing a security check. I was paranoid that something I had written about him - good or bad - would cause him embarrassment or worse. So I didn't bring him up - hard to do when you're bursting with pride!

But, I'm breaking my silence. Boot camp, over a year of schooling, and the security clearance are behind us, and our son now has orders for five years. If you had told me two years ago how well the NAVY life would have suited this boy, I would not have believed you. But what a fit!

First of all, his schooling in the NAVY had a singular focus. Rather than having four classes at various times in the week, he had one class all day (and sometimes night…) long. He didn't have to shift his brain from math to English to science. A lot of his learning was in front of a computer screen, and still more was hands on.

The NAVY also provides the structure and order our son has always craved. Since he was so unstructured and unordered in his brain, he always looked to find this externally. Think about the military: routines, schedules, acronyms, color coding, even the cadences. He knows what to expect. And where to go when, with whom, and for how long. These have been very comfortable - and comforting - to our son.

My husband and I are tough disciplinarians. But our discipline pales in comparison to the dire consequences doled out by mother NAVY to the Sailors who don't get their schoolwork done. The threat of chipping paint for six long years terrified our son. And made him study. And succeed! I do have to add that he very often drew from the arsenal of techniques that we taught him. Including the Memory Training mentioned before. (Did you check it out? Send the link to someone else?)

The Navy has eliminated a lot of mundane worries from our boy's life. He doesn't have to think about paying rent or utilities. Most of the time, he doesn't have to worry about what to wear. Food is taken care of, and he still eats healthy like he always has.

There are still a lot of personal responsibilities and challenges - laundry and supplies and haircuts, finding his way around, keeping up with orders, internet connections, financial decisions, and waking up on time...He also has trouble remembering that you can't jump up and hit the top of the ceiling like he did (does) at home. He's in the NAVY and is no longer our dependent, but he'll always be our kid!

Is the Navy for every ADHD kid? Of course not. But for our son, it has been perfect. He is beyond happy - happier than we've ever seen him. He's succeeding. He's well-liked. He's learning and growing. We would have never guessed that this was the path for this homebody of a son. But God knew, and we give full credit to Him for guiding our son's footsteps.

And now I've made myself cry.
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Memory Training

It's funny how kids grow up and thank you...without saying so. Ron asked me yesterday for a copy of something we used with the boys when they were in middle and high school. He rolled his eyes at it back then. But now he's got a class where he has to memorize a whole lot of stuff. He wanted me to send him the .mp3's of Memory Training for Students. He remembered how well it worked when he had to learn a lot of material way back when.

It's been so long since I've mentioned Memory Training for Students that most of you readers probably aren't familiar with it. Memory Training for Students teaches very powerful techniques to solve the problem of memorizing the information students need to know. It's great for school, and it's great for life. (Yes, I've used the stuff!) If you and your child have reviewed information over and over, only to have it disappear at test time or shortly thereafter, you need Memory Training. The program is an instant download of a set of five audio .mp3's and a workbook. They are fun to listen to, and easy to follow. Go check it out now, and then forward this newsletter to others - your child's teacher, your best friend, your family… (Unbelievably, after 24 years I'm guilty as charged…)



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Another Chore Hint - Laminate!

We have another great hint on getting kids to do chores from Molly Donnelly, who graciously gave me permission to include her name and her method!

For my kids I have printed out and laminated cleaning cards for each chore. If they have to do the bathroom, they take the card and it lists for them step-by-step instructions so nothing gets forgotten-spray the sinks, toilet and shower with cleaner, wipe down shower and rinse, clean the inside of the bowl and wipe down the outside and floor around it, wipe down the sink and counter, use a clean cloth to dry the sink and counter, wipe down the mirror, use another clean cloth to dry it, mop the floor last. They can check off the instructions with dry erase markers as they go. I have included cards for their bedrooms, vacuuming and mopping floors and dusting rooms. (Don't forget the moldings and picture frames!) It works for us!
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Reviewing Review

If your child faces tests or exams at the end of the grading period, start NOW to review material. You don't have to wait until the exam is announced, thanks to a little section in almost every textbook called the chapter review. These only take a few minutes to read out loud to your child, and will begin to wake up the memory of the material they have already covered. We got the calendar out, divided the chapters up and for the next few nights, we'll be going back over them. We'll also review any notes that they have managed to save. It won't take long, but it will give us all a leg up on the exams that are such a short time away.

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Manners and Self-Esteem

My aunt is widowed, and when my grandmother passed away a few years ago, she needed an escort to the funeral. Mike, who was fifteen, volunteered to be the man of the hour. He was really pleased with the opportunity - especially since it meant he could ride in the limousine! He was very interested in being the perfect gentleman, so we let him practice opening doors, putting a lady into a car, helping someone into a pew, and walking with someone on his arm. Knowing manners and basic etiquette gives our children a boost of confidence, and an edge over most of their peers.

Hint: In our casual society, one of the few places to see these formal manners in use is at a wedding. Next time you're invited to one, take (or drag!) your kids along. Black tie is optional!
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I'm the Bad Mother of the Year

Sometimes, we get so caught up in life that we forget how little effort it takes to have fun. The other day I was taking our youngest son Ash back to school from an orthodontist appointment. We had stopped at a stoplight, when I thought my son was going to explode. "LOOOOK! A Viper!" For those of you who don't know, a Viper is a car. My son's favorite. And he'd never seen one live and in person. The Viper driver was pumping gas, and my son just about crawled out of the window.

I immediately thought about pulling into the station to give my son a closer look. But I would have had to go through the light, turned around, and moved across two lanes of traffic. And I was in a hurry.

So I didn't stop.

I should have stopped. I denied my son an opportunity to have a little fun added to his day. I should have stopped!

Last week, after a follow up appointment, we passed the service station where my son saw the Viper, and Ash said, "Mom! That's where I saw the Viper!" I could have cried. His memory could have been seeing the Viper up close, and knowing that his mom would go and extra ½ mile for him to do so. It was such a little thing, and I blew off my chance to add a little bit of "special" to my son's day. It would have been fun for him -and for me, too!

So, I hereby crown myself as "Bad Mother of the Year".

I resolve to do better - to have more fun with life, and I challenge you to do the same. Here are some ways that you - and I - can add a little more fun into your kids' lives - and to yours.

• On a cold morning - warm up all your kids’ clothes in the dryer before they put them on.
• Give the first grader 50 cents extra to buy a treat with her lunch.
• Have your boys’ favorite band (yeah - that one!) playing in the car when you pick them up.
• Lower your voice and brag on your daughter to a neighbor - but make sure your daughter is within earshot and overhears!
• Pair his name with a positive adjective. “Hello, wonderful Sam!” “Come into the kitchen, Rebekah sweet.” “There’s my beautiful Shannon.”
• Do one of your son’s dreaded chores.
• Volunteer at your elementary girl’s school. (Warning, if you’re in high school or middle school, you might have to keep a LOW profile.)
• Rub your kindergartener’s back while listening to the events of their day.
• Let your sixth grader help you across the street - tuck your hand under their arm.
• Send a funny picture to your child's cell phone. (If they have one. Ash, the Viper son thinks I'm the bad mother of the year because he doesn't have one!)
• Burst into a silly song while driving down the road. Your child will think you’re nuts - and will get out of the car with a smile on her face.
• Have your son choose the menu for dinner.
• Instead of being grossed out by the mold in the leftovers, get out a magnifying glass and look at it up close.
• Break a family rule once in a while. (Like eat dinner together in front of the television, or let your children sleep in your bed when they aren't sick.)
• Announce one of your child’s accomplishments on your Facebook status. (Read mine here - and Friend me!)
  
• And last, but not least, pull over when you see a Viper.

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Reporting on Reports

I'll never forget the very first 'report' I wrote for school. It was on elephants. My mother helped me use our new green and white set of World Book Encyclopedias to craft a two page discourse on the two types of elephants - African and Asian.

Over the years, no matter how complicated the assignments became, each research paper, project or essay still began with a look into the trusty green and white World Book. If the topic had a long entry, there was a handy outline at the back that could serve as a model for the outline of whatever I was writing.

Next time your child has a report, take advantage of the good, basic knowledge that is contained in an encyclopedia. The core knowledge is presented simply and clearly, giving your child a great foundation on which to build! There are online encyclopedias that you can use, but I still prefer to use a hard copy. Believe it or not, we used the same set of mid-60's World Books until my aunt gave me her brown and white mid-70's edition a couple years back. It's amazing: according to this new set, man has actually landed on the moon!
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Reader Hint - Getting Kids to Do Chores

A reader sent this in last newsletter. It makes me want to go do chores with her!

I wanted to throw something out there for working moms who feel like they're always picking up "everyday clutter" constantly, and have a hard time staying organized and caught up.

I have two children, ages 8 and 14, with ADD (one inattentive, one hyperactive). I have found that when I say, "clean your room, and help pick up the house", I don't always get a good response, at least not to my satisfaction. Being a working mom, I have had to let go of having the show-room look, but I do like to keep things picked up. So, about once a week, after dinner, I say, "alright, everyone … it's time to play WHAT'S NEXT?!" At first I get groans, and sighs, but they get into the "game" pretty quickly. Here's what we do. We start at one end of the house, and I literally hand out commands, left and right, such as "Go empty this trash can, and bring back a new trash bag with it", "Grab the broom for me", "go put the Rainbow vacuum together for me, including water in the bowl", "take this laundry to the laundry room", "go put this hairbrush in the bathroom drawer (not sure why it's in the middle of the living room)", "pick up all the little air-soft gun BB's in this room", etc.

While they're "gone", I wipe down cabinets and mirrors, vacuum that room, dust, etc. , always looking for what they can do as soon as they get back, sometimes looking into the next room, so that no time is wasted. The goal is for them to run do the task, and come back and say, "WHAT NEXT!?" Of course, it turns into a contest for who can run do their task, and make it back before the other one.

It turns into a lot of fun, and the whole house gets clean, except for the mopping and laundry, which I'm glad to do, since my whole house just got a good basic cleaning in less than an hour or so. Oh yes, and each time, I add "wipe down the base boards", "dust the blinds", and/or "dust the ceiling fans" (well, I do this last one) on just one room in the house, so that all of these things get a once-over every few weeks. They also get the benefit of having help with the basics of their own room (especially the 8-year-old), since we're all working together, helping each other. For anyone with more than one child, anyway, this is a great way to get a lot done, very quickly, without having to spend a whole weekend cleaning.
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Getting Kids to Do Chores

I've made two blog posts about chores, recently:

The Chore of Chores discusses the importance of getting our kids to do chores. Chore List lists guidelines for deciding which chore a child can do.

The fact remains, however, that kids don't like to do chores. So how do you get them to cooperate?

Do chores together. Everything is more fun with a partner. Work side by side with your child. Have your child clear the table while you wash the dishes. One of you vacuum while the other folds laundry. (Pick up those feet!) One take things off the shelves while the other dusts and wipes down the whole piece of furniture. Buy two rakes. Have a race and clean out two kitchen cabinets. See who can match the most socks. Chop vegetables together. Your child can pick up toys while you get out spring clothes.

You can also do unrelated chores - you pay bills while your child cleans the kitchen. It's the companionship - and the oversight - that matters the most. And when possible, make a point to have a positive conversation going on.

Put on some music. Flylady is a great advocate of putting on some loud and happy music while doing chores. It's hard to go slow or be lazy while listening to "I'm So Excited" by the Pointer Sisters. And yes, I just dated myself.

Time limit. Break out that timer and fire it up. "Ten minutes to put up the groceries, Ash!" Or, offer an incentive. "Clean the bathroom mirror well in under five minutes and I'll swab the toilet."

Lower your standards. I gave up long ago on trying to keep the kitchen towels separate from the kitchen rags. Now they just go in one drawer, and I know which is which. And that beautifully ornate toothbrush holder that never got clean? I ditched it for one that can be easily rinsed. Don't match your socks - just throw them in one basket. Don't use top sheets on your beds, just use a comforter. There are some things in your house that aren't worth the bother it takes teaching your kids to maintain them. You know the ones that are the most important to you - the ones truly worth the trouble.

There are other standards that may need to go. Don't require a perfectly made bed. (I am embarrassed to say that I still don't require a made bed at all…) Don't make your kids hang up the towels perfectly. I'm not saying to let your child do things halfway. But there is a happy medium. You just have to find it.

Bribe. Not really. I once read that a bribe was a payment for doing something bad. Any payment for doing something good was called a paycheck. Consider paying your child - in cash or in privileges - for some chores.
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Science Project Due?

Some of you may know that after years of struggling with science projects, we found some that worked so well that we put them into a package of guides and now sell them online. The guides are called 24 Hour Science Projects. The projects are experiment based, have step by step instructions, preformatted charts and graphs, and links to resources. As the title implies, they are fast and easy. Don't let that fool you, though - kids using our guides have won lots (and lots!) of awards. And remember, we did them with our ADHD boys! Check them out 24 Hour Science Projects here.

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Will They Ever Learn?

Parents of forgetful and irresponsible middle schoolers - take note of the following…

Our oldest son Ron is a junior in college, but (counting one summer session) this marks his ninth college semester. We have a policy in our house that we pay half of college tuition, room and board. The boys come up with the other half - but they have to pay for all of their books. When we instituted this policy, we reasoned that it would encourage the boys to look for bargains and sell their used books.

Well, we were half right. The boys are genetically predisposed to find (or wrangle) the very best price for just about anything. Their ADHD, however, predisposes them to never get around to selling books, and to waiting until the last minute to buy their new ones.

This is 6th week of winter semester for Ron, and after ordering it last week, his last book arrived on Wednesday. The book was supposed to cost $200, and frugal Ron - even if he had the money - was not going to fork out that much. So - after checking with the professor - he ordered a previous edition. When it arrived, however, he had ordered the wrong thing. You had to feel sorry for him. He immediately emailed the vendor who was very helpful. He explained the urgency of the situation. Although it wouldn't have been so urgent had he purchased in December when he registered for class…

Anyhow, the funny moment came when I was telling the above story to my husband. "Maybe," he said, "maybe he'll do better next time."

My husband has more faith than I do! I mean, this is the ninth go round at this. But for those of you with middle schoolers - note the following. Ron knew what book to buy. That means he had to go to his list of classes and find the ISBN number of the book. He had to copy the number down correctly. And find it online. Then he had to think about how to avoid paying so much, talk to the professor about it, go back online and buy again. And he had to contact the vendor to explain the problem. This was the child that couldn't remember to bring the directions for a project home from school just eight short years ago, much less do the project alone.

So take heart. Keep plugging away, and they will grow up...But I offer no guarantee that they'll ever grow out of procrastinating!

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Start at the End

Quick hint for today. When your teacher assigns end of the chapter/section questions, make sure your child reads the questions before reading the material. This helps her know what to look for as she reads. If you have a scanner or a copier at your house, copy the questions. He can jot down short answers, or mark multiple choice questions as he goes. We purchased an all in one printer/copier/fax/scanner last year, and it has been one of the best investments we've ever made. I absolutely cannot imagine life without it now.

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Chore List - Guidelines for Assigning Chores to Kids

In a recent post, I listed five reasons that is important for us to make sure our kids do chores. You can read the list on the ADHD-Inattentive blog. But just how do we assign chores that our kids can - and will - do? Here's your chore list:

It's important to match the chore to the child. When you assign chores, take your child’s age, ability and personality into account. From the moment they are out of the high chair, a child can ‘dump their plate’ and put it in the sink. I have sweet memories of our little ones reaching over their heads to lob their dishes (plastic, of course) into the water. A two year old can sort and put away silverware, feed the dog (dry food) and put produce into the appropriate drawers in the refrigerator. They can also put toys where they belong - if you have assigned spots for each. A five year old can fold towels, set the table, water the dog, sweep the floor, dust, and make a bed. Most ten year olds can iron their own clothes, cook a simple meal, take the recycling bin to the street, and mop. By the time kids are twelve, there isn’t a whole lot they can’t do around the house - except drive the car!

Despite the above guidelines, some kids aren’t ready to do some chores. If you give a child a chore and they are genuinely overwhelmed with the skill involved, then assign something else. Our last son Ash, for example, has always been a whiz at cleaning out the cabinet that holds all the plastic containers and their lids. Our second son, however, was truly clueless on any of the organizational principles involved. Don’t be fooled, however. Kids can be real masters at feigning inability and ignorance.

Try not to give your child too many chores that they absolutely hate. I, for example, hate to mop. (I've mentioned this before...) Were I a child, I would not assign myself mopping as a daily chore. If your child likes to be outside, give her more outdoor jobs. And if your son likes to be in the kitchen, give him responsibilities there.

Give specific instructions. Your child - especially if they are ADHD - needs for you to explain exactly what you expect for them to accomplish. Don’t just say, “Clear off the table.” Give step by step instructions, and you may want to write them down and post them:

1. Fill up the sink with water, and put all the silverware in the bottom.

2. Put lids back on all the containers like milk and ketchup and put them away. (NOT in the medicine cabinet, please.)

3. Use napkins and wipe the extra food on the plates into the trash or compost, then put the plates into the sink.

4. Put away everything else. The salt and pepper shakers and the napkin holder stay on the table. You don't put them away.

5. Use a wet rag and wipe off the table. Pick up the salt and pepper shakers and napkin holder and wipe under them.

6. Push the chairs under the table.

Keep reminding for momentum. For long chores (you know, the ones more than 2 minutes!), your child might lose focus. Reminders are often necessary. You can give verbal reminders (sometimes known as nagging), flash lights, or set off a timer to ding at regular intervals. Our boys used to fight over the Triple Tell Timer. (We have a whole page of recommended timers and reminders here.) Another option is to put on a song, and tell your child the end of the song is her cue to get back on track. We’ve also tried giving rewards for finishing a chore within a certain amount of time.

Do a quality check. This is the downfall of many a chore. Don’t expect perfection, but do expect your child to have done their very best. And if they haven’t, make them do it over (and maybe over again - and again). They will be very offended as you point out their mistakes. Don’t cave.

Recognize a job well done. Whether you offer verbal praise, a financial reward, or an hour of television or gaming - thank your child for their help, and affirm their efforts.
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ADHD - Can't Do It Alone

I get lots of feedback from newsletters, which I appreciate - and enjoy - very much. One reader, an ADHD mom, had read about my mixed feelings when our oldest son Ron decided to go back on medication. (Ron is in college.) She sent me the most interesting thought. Like Ron, she is on medication, which initially made her feel very guilty. She wrote that she now considers the ADHD medication, "a daily reminder that I can't do it on my own, I have to leave it to God." Cool thought, which I immediately passed on to Ron. By the way, Ron says the meds continue to make a HUGE and important difference for him. His grades reflect that difference.

Our decision about putting one of our sons on medication is chronicled here.

ADHD-I Turns 18

The most inattentive of our inattentive boys once said that his attention was like an oscillating fan. Bright, artistic, forgetful, self-absorbed, creative, exasperating, determined, spacey...he could be the poster child for ADHD-I. His first year of school, he went to kindergarten without his backpack for days on end - and suffered the consequences. One day, we pulled out of the driveway before he realized he wasn't wearing a shirt.

When he turned 18, however, he had matured so very much that it was almost sad. He began to carry on articulate conversations with us, his friends, and (the real shocker) other adults. He discussed his future. He began volunteering at church, playing basketball, and fixing things around the house. He got his first steady job, working at a local dry cleaners. It was a great work situation - the owners like hiring students and helping them succeed at their first job. But the best part is that our son displayed terrific employee skills. He was always there, on time, and was spoken highly of by the customers.

The pay was decent, too. In fact, our son saved enough to buy his first car - with cash. He actually bought said car before he got his license. You'll have to guess why...but let's just say the people at the DMV knew us quite well.

But turning 18 didn't solve everything. On the first day of his Senior year of school, he drove to school for the very first time. He left one hour before school started, to beat the traffic. It was a very mature thing to do, trust me.

About five minutes after he left, he returned home.

What was wrong?

"I forgot my backpack."

Some things never change.

Although I suppose we should give him credit for wearing a shirt.

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Take Five!

It's amazing what can be accomplished in five minutes. When your child is feeling particularly overwhelmed, check his to do list, and point out one task that will only take five minutes. Set the timer, and watch the relief as one item can be crossed off as finished.

This hint also works great for parents. If you have a small task you've been dreading or putting off - like washing a window or writing a thank you note - set the timer for five minutes and get it over with!

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Making Friends - The OTHER Social Studies

Some children are born social butterflies. They attract friends, know what to say in any situation, have an uncanny sense of style, and always land on their feet. Then there are my kids - and maybe yours. Here are some tips on helping your child succeed in the study of all things social.

Help your child learn to make friends. Although we feel that friendships should happen naturally, finding friends is a skill that can be taught. There is a wealth of information available on this subject. A great source is the online ADDitude Magazine, which has a whole section on Friendships and Social Life. Surf around for some great stories and advice. My favorite book on the subject remains Good Friends Are Hard to Find: Help Your Child Find, Make and Keep Friends. It's got very practical advice and step by step instructions on forming friendships.

Make sure your child's clothes are in style. A couple of years ago we went to Washington DC , and school groups were everywhere. We stood in line at the National Archives in front of a relatively well behaved group of middle schoolers. As we waited (and waited), I noticed a family approaching, a mom, dad, and a middle school young man. Bless his heart, that poor child had on the most horrible, out of style clothes I think I have ever seen. His too short pants were tightly belted ABOVE his waist, his shirt was buttoned up and had a terrible pattern on it. He wore black tennis shoes like my grandmother used to wear. Worse, though, was his demeanor. He held his head down, and had a haunted 'who's going to laugh at me next?' look on his face. I braced myself as he passed the group of middle schoolers, but they thankfully didn't make a scene.

This child's clothing made him a target. Now, I know that we're supposed to teach our children that looks aren't everything, that it's what on the inside that counts, that you can't judge a book by its cover. I also know that most of us don't allow our boys out of the house in pants that sag under their bottoms, or our girls to show 9 inches of their stomach. Why? It's because of what people will think, and what they might DO or say. Face it. It DOES matter what our kids wear.

You may be like me - fashion challenged yourself. I take a friend with me shopping. When I'm buying stuff for my boys, I sometimes ask the cute little shop girl, "Is this an okay shirt?" I've sent my boys with money and a fashion and finance conscious adult, and instructions to "Hit the clearance racks first." I've bought lots of clothing on Ebay. (Sometimes people sell an entire wardrobe for CHEAP - so YOU don't have to think about fashion or matching!) I copy mannequins, too. And believe it or not, I sometimes watch, "What Not To Wear".

If our kids are already socially uneasy, we owe it to them to help them dress so that they aren't lightning rods for ridicule. When kids make fun, our kids feel more insecure, which lowers their confidence, which makes them more likely to be teased. It's a sink hole. I'm not talking about outfitting junior in the latest fads or brand names. (I'm WAY to cheap for that.) But we need to have our children in passably 'normal' clothing. I'm not much on clothesline preaching, but I'm pounding the pulpit on this one.

Teach your child some manners! What do you say when you meet someone for the first time? How do you introduce a friend to a parent, or a parent to a teacher? How do you say thank you after a visit? How do you say thank you for a gift you don't like?! What do you say when you're inviting someone to a party? How do you ask for someone on the phone? These are important lessons for our kids, and you may need to practice them.

Role play, for example, meeting the teacher. "Hello, Mrs. Anders. I'm Mrs. Smith, and this is my son Ryan." "Hello, Ryan." Teach Ryan to look the teacher directly in her eye and say, "Hello, how are you?" If you want him to shake hands, let him practice. We've practiced the whole routine of being presented a certificate by an adult. "As you approach the presenter, reach out with your right hand to shake hands. Take the award in your left hand and say thank you." Instruction and practice give your child confidence in such situations.

Need help? You're not alone! I told the story last spring about a meal Ash and I shared with two very 'cultured' friends of mine. Although my friends were gracious enough to ignore the fact, Ash demonstrated that he had no table manners. He chewed with his mouth closed and didn't burp or scratch, but that was about it. He reached across the table for bread, complained about what he was served, made nervous conversation... It was our fault; as he was the last child, my husband and I had never really paid much attention to his 'company' manners.

We've set out to change that. I bought a book for the boys called, Stand Up, Shake Hands, Say How Do You Do: What Boys Need to Know About Today's Manners. It's okay, and teaches some really good points, but it's dated. I'm getting ready to buy two more, hoping to cover all our bases. The first one, Tiffany's Table Manners for Teenagers will be useful when my boys launch themselves into society. It's pretty high brow, but I learned the hard way that there are occasions when our boys need the "know how of high brow". The second one, How Rude!: The Teenagers' Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior, and Not Grossing People Out, is an irreverent guide to manners, which my guys will enjoy, I'm sure. One caution on this book is its casual approach to teenage sex.


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Organizing Kids for School Using Color

Color is a great way to help keep your child organized for school. Choose one color for each subject - like green (money) for math - and use that color for the notebook, folder, and book jacket. In the folder, place a supply of paper for that class, and take a matching highlighter or marker and make a bold line on the edge of the paper. If your child neglects to put their paper back into the correct folder, the colored mark will make it easier for the paper to be found in the bookbag jumble.

Many elementary school teachers require a certain format for paper 'headings':

Kayla Fay
Spelling
Homework #6
February 17, 2009

If your child has trouble remembering to do this, go ahead and have her pre-label several pages with name and subject. Then highlight (in the appropriate color!) the spaces for the date and other information, reminding him to fill in. Even if a specific heading isn't required, placing a highlighted mark on the top of blank paper helps remind some children to write their name. Not that our kids are prone to forget or anything!

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Television - The Great Satan?

I've often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will marvel at the devotion the 21st century Earthlings had to their household gods. Excavation will show these deities in virtually every home, obviously objects of devotion, the focal point in a room. The gods were believed without question. Families emulated them, discussed them, and scheduled their lives around them. The parent was secondary in influence to the various versions of these boxes with a glass screen that captivated an entire civilization.

Despite the title of this article, I do not really think that we are all guilty of worshiping the god of the underworld. I am, however, quite turned off by the amount of affection and devotion we give to the unworthy television. Last week I was teaching a class of four year olds, and before the lesson began, one of the children informed me that she had to leave early so she could get home in time for American Idol. As a society, I'm afraid we truly have made television an idol - and not just an American one. Studies disagree on how much we watch per week; studies agree that we watch too much.

For the child with ADHD, the television experience varies. One of our sons invariably loses interest halfway through a show. Another was eight years old and still wet his pants rather than take a bathroom break during a movie. Our oldest son begs us to let him do his chores during commercials. For all of our boys, the television is a huge distraction, and if it is on anywhere in the house, our guys cannot do their homework or chores.

My husband I refuse to give others remote control of our home, and have taken several steps to channel our boys away from the seductive and addictive influence of the television. We thank the major networks for loaning us their initials to broadcast our system to you:

CBS - Cut the Box on Schooldays. We've taken the extreme position of not allowing television on weekdays. This has earned us the title of 'most unreasonable parents in the school', but we wear it with pride. To soften our image, we allow television freedom on the weekends, after chores and homework.

MSNBC - Make Summertime Nice. Bribe Children. During the nine weeks school is out, television time can be bought. For every minute spent on reading, we award time on the television or computer. We have an Excel spreadsheet that keeps up with time earned and spent. (If you're interested, email me at goaskmom AT..goaskmom.com and I'll send you a copy.)

FOX - Filter Out X#$@%. What children watch is often worthless, at best. At its worst, television undermines everything we teach as it spews foul language, violence, casual attitudes about sex, and disrespect for authority. When the boys were younger, our family used TV Guardian to help with the language. The other negative elements are impossible to remove, which is why the television has an 'off' button.

NBC - Note Basic Content. We teach our kids to evaluate a program by its main premise. "Aladdin" is one of my favorite movies, but it quite frankly glorifies being a thief. Gentle "E. T." leaves the impression that adults aren't to be trusted, and that dishonesty is justified when its purposes are noble. After watching a show, ask, "What did that movie just say? Was it a positive message or a negative one? How did it try to influence you?"

CNN - Cultivate Natural iNquisitiveness. We broaden the boys' world so that your children are interested in more than cartoons and sit-coms. We have many friends from other cultures. Dinner is lively with discussions about world events. Our travels and museum visits have piqued interest in subjects explored on the dreaded educational channels like Discovery and the History Channel. (I must add here that we have a picture of our boys glued to a cartoon show in Paris, and no, they do not speak French. I'm not sure this is an argument for or against my case!)

BET - Be Exemplary Teachers. A student doesn't rise above the teacher. Set a good example to your children by developing good viewing habits. Try to turn off the television for a whole week, and evaluate how addicted to the television you are.

Go ahead. Touch that dial. Adjust your family's antenna away from the television. The signal will be fuzzy at first, but over time, I think your reception will become a lot clearer. And may the archaeologists of the future find your home so devoid of the influence of the television that they identify you as a pagan.


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The Chore of Chores

Chores. Do you ever feel like giving chores is more of a chore for you than for your kid? My boys never got over the need to be nagged to do their chores. We had a checklist*, which helped immensely, but the boys themselves never morphed into creatures that walked in from school and immediately started to empty the trash.

Chores, however, are very important - for several reasons.

ADHD children are, by nature, self-centered. They often lack the ability to feel what someone else is feeling, or think like someone else. So they reckon that if they aren't upset by the dirty pair of underwear dropped in the living room (don't ask), then nobody else is upset either. Chores remind a child that they are revolving with the world - not in the center of it.

Chores are a fact of life, and part of parenting is preparing a child for life. Everyone eventually needs to how to make a bed, iron a shirt, mop a floor, and wash the dishes. Two of our boys no longer live at home, and each of them have expressed that they are glad they know how to do such tasks. I quote, "Man. Those guys are so stupid. They don't even know how to work a washing machine."

Chores also teach a child to do something he or she hates. Adults do dreaded tasks every day. Giving your child chores prepares them for this grim reality. For example, it requires a lot of self discipline for me to mop the kitchen floor. I don't mind folding laundry, vacuuming or dusting, and I love to clean out closets. But mopping? I'd rather take the proverbial beating. Nonetheless, mopping has to be done. So, to prepare them for the rigors of adulthood, my boys have to mop quite a lot.

Theoretically, chores give a child a sense of pride in their work, and a feeling of ownership in your home. Quite frankly, my boys disproved this theory. It really does sound good on paper, and probably holds true in your house. Or maybe not.

Finally, chores are great for you because you need the help. Running a house is a cooperative effort, and you are doing yourself and everyone else a disservice if you try to go it alone. Delegate. Divide and conquer. Share the joy. And maybe you'll never have to mop the kitchen floor again!

I read this post out loud to our youngest, and when I finished he informed me that if he followed my example and taught his children to mop, that he wouldn't have to learn how now.

Despite his wrangling for the contrary, my boys have chores. I developed some simple charts to use with my guys. They aren't sophisticated, but they sure helped. Email me at goaskmom AT..goaskmom.com if you'd like for me to email you a copy.

Take a look at My Magnetic Responsibility Chart for 2008 from Melissa and Doug. This very attractive chart was recommended by a reader. Designed for younger children, it's flexible and easy for non-readers to use. Kids get the pleasure of moving a magnetic piece when a task is accomplished.

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ADHD and Nutrition - Food For Thought

I've always tried to give my family healthy foods. I 've limited sugar intake, cooked 'from scratch', and made recipes as low calorie as possible. As the years have gone by, I've become even more careful about what foods I prepare. I thinkI've completely cut out MSG, for example, although I keep discovering it on labels (like Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup). And I rarely buy anything with nitrates - like bologna or hot dogs, with the great exception of frozen pepperoni pizza. I don't know if it's helped my kids focus any better, but it certainly hasn't hurt anyone.

We all know that there isn't a cut and dried ADHD diet that will cure distractibility. But I'm not alone in my suspicions that good nutrition has to help. Some parents swear by The Feingold diet. People swear by certain supplements, such as Attend, or Omega 3 ,which has really helped our family. The c3Kids is a popular program that emphasizes good nutrition. Here are some things that I have found work for our family.

Out of sight - out of mouth. If it's not there, they can't eat it. Don't buy so much junk. Buy fruit and vegetables, peanut butter and cheese, tuna and eggs. Pop popcorn. Get nuts you have to crack. If I don't have cookies, my boys eat mac and cheese and frozen pizza. (Yes, they're processed, but it beats an entire package of Oreos.) If we don't have soda, my boys drink water, milk, or juice. For some good, healthy and QUICK recipes for snacks, sign up for the newsletter at Health-E-Meals.com.)

You can't judge a carrot by its cover. While you're switching over, buy the snack-y looking, individually wrapped packages of carrots and tuna. I even saw Scooby Doo bottled water the other day. A recent study said that kids would eat anything in a McDonald's wrapper. It's scary, but true. Packaging can be everything.

All natural. I'm not talking about organic, necessarily. I'm talking about putting raw carrots on the table, fresh salads with oil and vinegar (or oil, garlic and lemon!) dressing, fresh fruits, grilled meats. Don't use sauces from a bottle - use garlic, fresh spices, onions and peppers. Marinate in lemon juice, orange juice, vinegar.

The whole truth. Use REAL whole grains. Brown rice. 100% whole wheat bread. Whole grain cereal and even spaghetti. I still laugh that Lucky charms advertises that it has whole grains. It does, but not much. And don't use instant. It really doesn't take that much longer to cook the real deal, but you have to put that rice on to cook at the beginning of your cooking!

Skip dessert. I rarely serve dessert. If the kids are hungry at the end of a meal, they can have seconds. Or thirds or fourths. Or we'll cut a watermelon, or they'll grab a piece of fruit. Okay, or have ice cream. We always have ice cream on hand - processed, sugary, fad laden and delicious.

We'll never be called health nuts at our house. We definitely have our days when we eat junk. But I HOPE that we've achieved some sort of balance to our eating habits, and to our diets.

PS Speaking of Lucky Charms, we LIKE them at our house. My boys never got them for breakfast, but I occasionally buy them for snacking. They're Ron's favorite. So when we dropped him off at college for the first time, I left him the biggest box of Lucky Charms I could find. How's that for balance?!

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Standardized Test Hint - Know When to Fold

Here's a great hint that will help your child during a standardized test. Though this year's tests are still a good way off, this strategy requires a bit of practice. So, take notes!

When taking a test, each child is given at least one piece of plain paper for scrap. The paper is most often unlined. Students should, just as they begin to take the test, fold that paper in half, in half again, and in half again.

For a reading test, children can use it as a place holder while they are reading. They can also jot down relevant points on one section of the folded paper. They'll use the notes to answer the questions for that reading selection.

When they go on to the next reading section, they simply turn the paper over to a new section - keeping the paper folded - and take notes again. They continue the process until all sections are used up and then ask for another sheet of paper if needed.

Because the brain wants to fill in any unused white space on a piece of paper, a child will write all over a large blank piece of paper in a disorganized fashion. When the paper is folded, students have a limited amount of space to fill in. They'll be organized, and know exactly where to look for their notes that will help them answer the question.

And then there is the distraction factor - and we all know how distracted ADHD kids get. A blank white field on the paper is a distraction to the brain. When the paper is folded, it helps a child to focus. In addition, when using a new section, there are no distractions from the notes made while working on other questions of the test.

When an entire space is filled up - it just feels like a success. Continue reading our hints on testing at A Bubble of Confidence.

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Omega 3's and ADHD

I have written several times about Omega 3's, the fatty acids necessary for cell health, most commonly found in fish oil. Studies have shown that deficiencies in Omega 3's are related to ADHD. The body cannot make these fatty acids, and since the foods we eat contain very little, it's necessary to use supplements. I've done a good bit of reading on the subject of Omega 3's or LCP's, and it convinced me that our family needed to start taking fish oil capsules.

We started taking the supplements last year, and while we didn't see spectacular results, I really think that the boys were better able to focus. Plus, after about a month, my husband saw a marked decrease in the severity of his psoriasis. Then, over the summer, I got slack about passing out the daily dosages. My husband is a great guy, but if I don't hand him the stuff, he doesn't take it! And guess what - his psoriasis is back with a vengeance. It flared up during a particularly stressful workweek, but the stress has slacked off, and the psoriasis hasn't. I've started giving out fish oil capsules again, and hopefully he'll see improvements soon.

If you've not heard of Omega 3's or LCP's or fish oil, I encourage you to read about them and learn all you can. I wrote about the subject in the October newsletter, which you read here: Omega 3. A great book on the subject is THE LCP SOLUTION. I highly recommend that you get a copy and learn about our body's need for LCP's and how this could make a difference for your child.

One of the brands of fish oil recommended in The LCP Solution is Neuro-DHA fish oil. It's available (at the best price...) from Amazon.


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Medication Reminders

A mom emailed asking for ideas about how to help an almost ten year old begin to take responsibility for remembering to take his medication in the morning. Here are a few ideas; if you have more, post a comment!

~A friend of mine puts her daughter's medication in a weekly dispenser, and places it beside her daughter's bed. It's the first thing her daughter is supposed to do in the morning - before she gets out of bed.

~And if she forgets...When he was old enough, we had an agreement with the school secretary. If our son forgot, she had a bottle for him at school. He or I could tell her that the dose had been forgotten.

~Use a reminder watch or clock. They're great for any type of medication, but also to remind your child to re-focus, to get back on track, or to do a certain chore. Read more about them at http://www.goaskmom.com/reminder_clocks.html.

By the way, if you've never read it, here's the story about how we agonizingly came to the conclusion to use medication for one of our sons.



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Gifts of Time

Here's an organizing hint for mom or dad! Many stores are having major clearance sales at this time of year. Make it a habit to visit the clearance section each time you visit a store, and keep an eye out for items you will need for birthdays or (gasp!) even Christmas. Last week my husband came home with a shaving cream warmer he found for $5.00, and it is now stashed in our attic waiting for Father's Day. I found some great sweaters for next fall for almost nothing. The few extra minutes it takes us to see what's on clearance saves us lots of time - and money.

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Spelling Hints Part 5 - Sign Language

Yet another great hint from a mom...

"What we did is looked up the general sign language picture list on the internet and I had my daughter spell the words with sign language and saying the letter as she did... the process of looking for the letter making the letter with her had and saying it set the words in her head. The day of the test I told her to use the camera in her head to look at how she shaped the letters with her hand. We did this in the kitchen as I was making dinner on Mondays ( the day she got the list and practiced all week when we had the chance) She missed 2 to 0 words a week... It really helped."

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Okay, it works. And now all my social networks have seen my spelling error. Not quite so bad as tripping onstage. : )

Testing my new ping.fm account...can you here me now?

Happy Birthday, Ash

When my children were preschoolers, the grandmother across the street from me regularly admonished me to enjoy my time while the boys were little, because it would pass all too quickly. Her gentle prodding shaped the way I faced each day, and I'm grateful for it. Lately, I heard a proverb that summarized Miss Lillie's sentiments. "The minutes drag, but the days fly." It's all too true...

Happy 16th birthday, Ash, my youngest son.

Spelling Hints Part 4 - The Dyslexic Speller

The mother of a child with ADHD and dyslexia writes:

"I must admit that I am often in awe of the inventive variety of ways my 9 year old inattentive dyslexic son chooses to construct the words he uses to express himself in writing. In an odd way it seems to be a bit of an art form.

What kind of spelling are you asking about? Most people think there is only one kind of spelling but for my dyslexic son spelling comes in three flavors. For him son spelling a word verbally, spelling a word on a test (in a list) and spelling that same word in a sentence or story are three separate events. Being able to spell correctly one way one does not guarantee success with the others. For instance if you ask him to verbally spell the word "They" he will reply T-H-E-Y. Have him write the word they on a spelling test and it's a 50/50 shot that he'll write T-H-A-Y then correct it to T-H-E-Y. In his spontaneous writing T-H-A-Y is most commonly used.

~One night when I reminded him to "use the rules for spelling" when he was writing a paragraph he replied that he could forgo the rules and get his thoughts on paper accurately or he could apply the rules and immediately forget what he was going to write. That was when I introduced him to a tape recorder. First he taped his thoughts and then he replayed them as often as necessary to get them down on paper so that his teachers could make sense of it all.

~He often dictates his own words into the tape recorder (often in really funny voices) and then replays them over and over.

~We put the words into a talking spell checker and play hangman against the computer. Using paper and a pen works just as well.

~We write out the words with the troublesome letters written in red. Then we verbally spell these words. Say the letters that you know softly and shout out the red letters (the ones that you just can't seem to remember). Go ahead and really shout. It is fun and lets off stress. Depending where you are you can get some pretty cool echoes too.

~We roll out strings of playdoh and sculpt the words with the strings.

~I pour a carton of salt into a baking dish and have my son write the words in the salt with a wooden skewer or chopstick. (We save a jar of salt just for this.)

~Walking and chanting the words and letters sometimes works.

~Throwing a ball back and forth and saying a letter each time you catch the ball is also a favorite.

~Songs work great. Search the internet for spelling cd's and dvd's.

~Chalk on the driveway and in the street. Big Letters. How far can we make these 10 words stretch.

~Tracing the letters on a piece of sand paper lightly with your finger holds my sons attention pretty well but he doesn't like to sit at the table to do it.

~In the warmer months we write words on the pavement with Super Soakers. The letters evaporate fast when it is hot so mistakes disappear without a trace.

~I have started emphasizing common prefixes and suffixes. Recognizing them and knowing their meanings allows for easier breakdown of an unknown word for both reading and writing. For instance the word preamble has "pre" in the front and "ble" at the end. If you are familiar with these then all that is left is am in the middle.

~Many of my son's teachers have agreed to substituting the "traditional" spelling homework for one of these methods if he emailed them digital pictures of his creations and a short description of what he had done."


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