One of our readers is in a contest, and you can help her win with one click. As the coowner of Big Dog Taekwon-Do school, she's in a competition to be named a leading mom in business. Many of her students have ADHD. Here's what she says: "We have heard from parents and professionals alike that participation in a program like ours helps improve focus because we do emphasize so much self awareness and self control. We are attempting to influence as many young people as we can to not only teach them valuable self defense skills but to help them learn to be more self confident!" Please take a second and go vote here! You don't have to sign up, give your email, or get cookied in any way.
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
In the Navy
Speaking of remembering, some of you have been asking about our second son, whose ADHD was the inspiration for "Who Put the Ketchup in the Medicine Cabinet?" back in 2002. I haven't mentioned him in almost two years, because he joined the US NAVY, and was attending boot camp and undergoing a security check. I was paranoid that something I had written about him - good or bad - would cause him embarrassment or worse. So I didn't bring him up - hard to do when you're bursting with pride!
But, I'm breaking my silence. Boot camp, over a year of schooling, and the security clearance are behind us, and our son now has orders for five years. If you had told me two years ago how well the NAVY life would have suited this boy, I would not have believed you. But what a fit!
First of all, his schooling in the NAVY had a singular focus. Rather than having four classes at various times in the week, he had one class all day (and sometimes night…) long. He didn't have to shift his brain from math to English to science. A lot of his learning was in front of a computer screen, and still more was hands on.
The NAVY also provides the structure and order our son has always craved. Since he was so unstructured and unordered in his brain, he always looked to find this externally. Think about the military: routines, schedules, acronyms, color coding, even the cadences. He knows what to expect. And where to go when, with whom, and for how long. These have been very comfortable - and comforting - to our son.
My husband and I are tough disciplinarians. But our discipline pales in comparison to the dire consequences doled out by mother NAVY to the Sailors who don't get their schoolwork done. The threat of chipping paint for six long years terrified our son. And made him study. And succeed! I do have to add that he very often drew from the arsenal of techniques that we taught him. Including the Memory Training mentioned before. (Did you check it out? Send the link to someone else?)
The Navy has eliminated a lot of mundane worries from our boy's life. He doesn't have to think about paying rent or utilities. Most of the time, he doesn't have to worry about what to wear. Food is taken care of, and he still eats healthy like he always has.
There are still a lot of personal responsibilities and challenges - laundry and supplies and haircuts, finding his way around, keeping up with orders, internet connections, financial decisions, and waking up on time...He also has trouble remembering that you can't jump up and hit the top of the ceiling like he did (does) at home. He's in the NAVY and is no longer our dependent, but he'll always be our kid!
Is the Navy for every ADHD kid? Of course not. But for our son, it has been perfect. He is beyond happy - happier than we've ever seen him. He's succeeding. He's well-liked. He's learning and growing. We would have never guessed that this was the path for this homebody of a son. But God knew, and we give full credit to Him for guiding our son's footsteps.
And now I've made myself cry.
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
But, I'm breaking my silence. Boot camp, over a year of schooling, and the security clearance are behind us, and our son now has orders for five years. If you had told me two years ago how well the NAVY life would have suited this boy, I would not have believed you. But what a fit!
First of all, his schooling in the NAVY had a singular focus. Rather than having four classes at various times in the week, he had one class all day (and sometimes night…) long. He didn't have to shift his brain from math to English to science. A lot of his learning was in front of a computer screen, and still more was hands on.
The NAVY also provides the structure and order our son has always craved. Since he was so unstructured and unordered in his brain, he always looked to find this externally. Think about the military: routines, schedules, acronyms, color coding, even the cadences. He knows what to expect. And where to go when, with whom, and for how long. These have been very comfortable - and comforting - to our son.
My husband and I are tough disciplinarians. But our discipline pales in comparison to the dire consequences doled out by mother NAVY to the Sailors who don't get their schoolwork done. The threat of chipping paint for six long years terrified our son. And made him study. And succeed! I do have to add that he very often drew from the arsenal of techniques that we taught him. Including the Memory Training mentioned before. (Did you check it out? Send the link to someone else?)
The Navy has eliminated a lot of mundane worries from our boy's life. He doesn't have to think about paying rent or utilities. Most of the time, he doesn't have to worry about what to wear. Food is taken care of, and he still eats healthy like he always has.
There are still a lot of personal responsibilities and challenges - laundry and supplies and haircuts, finding his way around, keeping up with orders, internet connections, financial decisions, and waking up on time...He also has trouble remembering that you can't jump up and hit the top of the ceiling like he did (does) at home. He's in the NAVY and is no longer our dependent, but he'll always be our kid!
Is the Navy for every ADHD kid? Of course not. But for our son, it has been perfect. He is beyond happy - happier than we've ever seen him. He's succeeding. He's well-liked. He's learning and growing. We would have never guessed that this was the path for this homebody of a son. But God knew, and we give full credit to Him for guiding our son's footsteps.
And now I've made myself cry.
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Memory Training
It's funny how kids grow up and thank you...without saying so. Ron asked me yesterday for a copy of something we used with the boys when they were in middle and high school. He rolled his eyes at it back then. But now he's got a class where he has to memorize a whole lot of stuff. He wanted me to send him the .mp3's of Memory Training for Students. He remembered how well it worked when he had to learn a lot of material way back when.
It's been so long since I've mentioned Memory Training for Students that most of you readers probably aren't familiar with it. Memory Training for Students teaches very powerful techniques to solve the problem of memorizing the information students need to know. It's great for school, and it's great for life. (Yes, I've used the stuff!) If you and your child have reviewed information over and over, only to have it disappear at test time or shortly thereafter, you need Memory Training. The program is an instant download of a set of five audio .mp3's and a workbook. They are fun to listen to, and easy to follow. Go check it out now, and then forward this newsletter to others - your child's teacher, your best friend, your family… (Unbelievably, after 24 years I'm guilty as charged…)
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
It's been so long since I've mentioned Memory Training for Students that most of you readers probably aren't familiar with it. Memory Training for Students teaches very powerful techniques to solve the problem of memorizing the information students need to know. It's great for school, and it's great for life. (Yes, I've used the stuff!) If you and your child have reviewed information over and over, only to have it disappear at test time or shortly thereafter, you need Memory Training. The program is an instant download of a set of five audio .mp3's and a workbook. They are fun to listen to, and easy to follow. Go check it out now, and then forward this newsletter to others - your child's teacher, your best friend, your family… (Unbelievably, after 24 years I'm guilty as charged…)
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Another Chore Hint - Laminate!
We have another great hint on getting kids to do chores from Molly Donnelly, who graciously gave me permission to include her name and her method!
For my kids I have printed out and laminated cleaning cards for each chore. If they have to do the bathroom, they take the card and it lists for them step-by-step instructions so nothing gets forgotten-spray the sinks, toilet and shower with cleaner, wipe down shower and rinse, clean the inside of the bowl and wipe down the outside and floor around it, wipe down the sink and counter, use a clean cloth to dry the sink and counter, wipe down the mirror, use another clean cloth to dry it, mop the floor last. They can check off the instructions with dry erase markers as they go. I have included cards for their bedrooms, vacuuming and mopping floors and dusting rooms. (Don't forget the moldings and picture frames!) It works for us!
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
For my kids I have printed out and laminated cleaning cards for each chore. If they have to do the bathroom, they take the card and it lists for them step-by-step instructions so nothing gets forgotten-spray the sinks, toilet and shower with cleaner, wipe down shower and rinse, clean the inside of the bowl and wipe down the outside and floor around it, wipe down the sink and counter, use a clean cloth to dry the sink and counter, wipe down the mirror, use another clean cloth to dry it, mop the floor last. They can check off the instructions with dry erase markers as they go. I have included cards for their bedrooms, vacuuming and mopping floors and dusting rooms. (Don't forget the moldings and picture frames!) It works for us!
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Reviewing Review
If your child faces tests or exams at the end of the grading period, start NOW to review material. You don't have to wait until the exam is announced, thanks to a little section in almost every textbook called the chapter review. These only take a few minutes to read out loud to your child, and will begin to wake up the memory of the material they have already covered. We got the calendar out, divided the chapters up and for the next few nights, we'll be going back over them. We'll also review any notes that they have managed to save. It won't take long, but it will give us all a leg up on the exams that are such a short time away.
Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Manners and Self-Esteem
My aunt is widowed, and when my grandmother passed away a few years ago, she needed an escort to the funeral. Mike, who was fifteen, volunteered to be the man of the hour. He was really pleased with the opportunity - especially since it meant he could ride in the limousine! He was very interested in being the perfect gentleman, so we let him practice opening doors, putting a lady into a car, helping someone into a pew, and walking with someone on his arm. Knowing manners and basic etiquette gives our children a boost of confidence, and an edge over most of their peers.
Hint: In our casual society, one of the few places to see these formal manners in use is at a wedding. Next time you're invited to one, take (or drag!) your kids along. Black tie is optional!
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Hint: In our casual society, one of the few places to see these formal manners in use is at a wedding. Next time you're invited to one, take (or drag!) your kids along. Black tie is optional!
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I'm the Bad Mother of the Year
Sometimes, we get so caught up in life that we forget how little effort it takes to have fun. The other day I was taking our youngest son Ash back to school from an orthodontist appointment. We had stopped at a stoplight, when I thought my son was going to explode. "LOOOOK! A Viper!" For those of you who don't know, a Viper is a car. My son's favorite. And he'd never seen one live and in person. The Viper driver was pumping gas, and my son just about crawled out of the window.
I immediately thought about pulling into the station to give my son a closer look. But I would have had to go through the light, turned around, and moved across two lanes of traffic. And I was in a hurry.
So I didn't stop.
I should have stopped. I denied my son an opportunity to have a little fun added to his day. I should have stopped!
Last week, after a follow up appointment, we passed the service station where my son saw the Viper, and Ash said, "Mom! That's where I saw the Viper!" I could have cried. His memory could have been seeing the Viper up close, and knowing that his mom would go and extra ½ mile for him to do so. It was such a little thing, and I blew off my chance to add a little bit of "special" to my son's day. It would have been fun for him -and for me, too!
So, I hereby crown myself as "Bad Mother of the Year".
I resolve to do better - to have more fun with life, and I challenge you to do the same. Here are some ways that you - and I - can add a little more fun into your kids' lives - and to yours.
Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
I immediately thought about pulling into the station to give my son a closer look. But I would have had to go through the light, turned around, and moved across two lanes of traffic. And I was in a hurry.
So I didn't stop.
I should have stopped. I denied my son an opportunity to have a little fun added to his day. I should have stopped!
Last week, after a follow up appointment, we passed the service station where my son saw the Viper, and Ash said, "Mom! That's where I saw the Viper!" I could have cried. His memory could have been seeing the Viper up close, and knowing that his mom would go and extra ½ mile for him to do so. It was such a little thing, and I blew off my chance to add a little bit of "special" to my son's day. It would have been fun for him -and for me, too!
So, I hereby crown myself as "Bad Mother of the Year".
I resolve to do better - to have more fun with life, and I challenge you to do the same. Here are some ways that you - and I - can add a little more fun into your kids' lives - and to yours.
- On a cold morning - warm up all your kids’ clothes in the dryer before they put them on.
- Give the first grader 50 cents extra to buy a treat with her lunch.
- Have your boys’ favorite band (yeah - that one!) playing in the car when you pick them up.
- Lower your voice and brag on your daughter to a neighbor - but make sure your daughter is within earshot and overhears!
- Pair his name with a positive adjective. “Hello, wonderful Sam!” “Come into the kitchen, Rebekah sweet.” “There’s my beautiful Shannon.”
- Do one of your son’s dreaded chores.
- Volunteer at your elementary girl’s school. (Warning, if you’re in high school or middle school, you might have to keep a LOW profile.)
- Rub your kindergartener’s back while listening to the events of their day.
- Let your sixth grader help you across the street - tuck your hand under their arm.
- Send a funny picture to your child's cell phone. (If they have one. Ash, the Viper son thinks I'm the bad mother of the year because he doesn't have one!)
- Burst into a silly song while driving down the road. Your child will think you’re nuts - and will get out of the car with a smile on her face.
- Have your son choose the menu for dinner.
- Instead of being grossed out by the mold in the leftovers, get out a magnifying glass and look at it up close.
- Break a family rule once in a while. (Like eat dinner together in front of the television, or let your children sleep in your bed when they aren't sick.)
- Announce one of your child’s accomplishments on your Facebook status. (Read mine here - and Friend me!)
- And last, but not least, pull over when you see a Viper.
Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Reporting on Reports
I'll never forget the very first 'report' I wrote for school. It was on elephants. My mother helped me use our new green and white set of World Book Encyclopedias to craft a two page discourse on the two types of elephants - African and Asian.
Over the years, no matter how complicated the assignments became, each research paper, project or essay still began with a look into the trusty green and white World Book. If the topic had a long entry, there was a handy outline at the back that could serve as a model for the outline of whatever I was writing.
Next time your child has a report, take advantage of the good, basic knowledge that is contained in an encyclopedia. The core knowledge is presented simply and clearly, giving your child a great foundation on which to build! There are online encyclopedias that you can use, but I still prefer to use a hard copy. Believe it or not, we used the same set of mid-60's World Books until my aunt gave me her brown and white mid-70's edition a couple years back. It's amazing: according to this new set, man has actually landed on the moon!
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Over the years, no matter how complicated the assignments became, each research paper, project or essay still began with a look into the trusty green and white World Book. If the topic had a long entry, there was a handy outline at the back that could serve as a model for the outline of whatever I was writing.
Next time your child has a report, take advantage of the good, basic knowledge that is contained in an encyclopedia. The core knowledge is presented simply and clearly, giving your child a great foundation on which to build! There are online encyclopedias that you can use, but I still prefer to use a hard copy. Believe it or not, we used the same set of mid-60's World Books until my aunt gave me her brown and white mid-70's edition a couple years back. It's amazing: according to this new set, man has actually landed on the moon!
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Reader Hint - Getting Kids to Do Chores
A reader sent this in last newsletter. It makes me want to go do chores with her!
I wanted to throw something out there for working moms who feel like they're always picking up "everyday clutter" constantly, and have a hard time staying organized and caught up.
I have two children, ages 8 and 14, with ADD (one inattentive, one hyperactive). I have found that when I say, "clean your room, and help pick up the house", I don't always get a good response, at least not to my satisfaction. Being a working mom, I have had to let go of having the show-room look, but I do like to keep things picked up. So, about once a week, after dinner, I say, "alright, everyone … it's time to play WHAT'S NEXT?!" At first I get groans, and sighs, but they get into the "game" pretty quickly. Here's what we do. We start at one end of the house, and I literally hand out commands, left and right, such as "Go empty this trash can, and bring back a new trash bag with it", "Grab the broom for me", "go put the Rainbow vacuum together for me, including water in the bowl", "take this laundry to the laundry room", "go put this hairbrush in the bathroom drawer (not sure why it's in the middle of the living room)", "pick up all the little air-soft gun BB's in this room", etc.
While they're "gone", I wipe down cabinets and mirrors, vacuum that room, dust, etc. , always looking for what they can do as soon as they get back, sometimes looking into the next room, so that no time is wasted. The goal is for them to run do the task, and come back and say, "WHAT NEXT!?" Of course, it turns into a contest for who can run do their task, and make it back before the other one.
It turns into a lot of fun, and the whole house gets clean, except for the mopping and laundry, which I'm glad to do, since my whole house just got a good basic cleaning in less than an hour or so. Oh yes, and each time, I add "wipe down the base boards", "dust the blinds", and/or "dust the ceiling fans" (well, I do this last one) on just one room in the house, so that all of these things get a once-over every few weeks. They also get the benefit of having help with the basics of their own room (especially the 8-year-old), since we're all working together, helping each other. For anyone with more than one child, anyway, this is a great way to get a lot done, very quickly, without having to spend a whole weekend cleaning.
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
I wanted to throw something out there for working moms who feel like they're always picking up "everyday clutter" constantly, and have a hard time staying organized and caught up.
I have two children, ages 8 and 14, with ADD (one inattentive, one hyperactive). I have found that when I say, "clean your room, and help pick up the house", I don't always get a good response, at least not to my satisfaction. Being a working mom, I have had to let go of having the show-room look, but I do like to keep things picked up. So, about once a week, after dinner, I say, "alright, everyone … it's time to play WHAT'S NEXT?!" At first I get groans, and sighs, but they get into the "game" pretty quickly. Here's what we do. We start at one end of the house, and I literally hand out commands, left and right, such as "Go empty this trash can, and bring back a new trash bag with it", "Grab the broom for me", "go put the Rainbow vacuum together for me, including water in the bowl", "take this laundry to the laundry room", "go put this hairbrush in the bathroom drawer (not sure why it's in the middle of the living room)", "pick up all the little air-soft gun BB's in this room", etc.
While they're "gone", I wipe down cabinets and mirrors, vacuum that room, dust, etc. , always looking for what they can do as soon as they get back, sometimes looking into the next room, so that no time is wasted. The goal is for them to run do the task, and come back and say, "WHAT NEXT!?" Of course, it turns into a contest for who can run do their task, and make it back before the other one.
It turns into a lot of fun, and the whole house gets clean, except for the mopping and laundry, which I'm glad to do, since my whole house just got a good basic cleaning in less than an hour or so. Oh yes, and each time, I add "wipe down the base boards", "dust the blinds", and/or "dust the ceiling fans" (well, I do this last one) on just one room in the house, so that all of these things get a once-over every few weeks. They also get the benefit of having help with the basics of their own room (especially the 8-year-old), since we're all working together, helping each other. For anyone with more than one child, anyway, this is a great way to get a lot done, very quickly, without having to spend a whole weekend cleaning.
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Getting Kids to Do Chores
I've made two blog posts about chores, recently:
The Chore of Chores discusses the importance of getting our kids to do chores. Chore List lists guidelines for deciding which chore a child can do.
The fact remains, however, that kids don't like to do chores. So how do you get them to cooperate?
Do chores together. Everything is more fun with a partner. Work side by side with your child. Have your child clear the table while you wash the dishes. One of you vacuum while the other folds laundry. (Pick up those feet!) One take things off the shelves while the other dusts and wipes down the whole piece of furniture. Buy two rakes. Have a race and clean out two kitchen cabinets. See who can match the most socks. Chop vegetables together. Your child can pick up toys while you get out spring clothes.
You can also do unrelated chores - you pay bills while your child cleans the kitchen. It's the companionship - and the oversight - that matters the most. And when possible, make a point to have a positive conversation going on.
Put on some music. Flylady is a great advocate of putting on some loud and happy music while doing chores. It's hard to go slow or be lazy while listening to "I'm So Excited" by the Pointer Sisters. And yes, I just dated myself.
Time limit. Break out that timer and fire it up. "Ten minutes to put up the groceries, Ash!" Or, offer an incentive. "Clean the bathroom mirror well in under five minutes and I'll swab the toilet."
Lower your standards. I gave up long ago on trying to keep the kitchen towels separate from the kitchen rags. Now they just go in one drawer, and I know which is which. And that beautifully ornate toothbrush holder that never got clean? I ditched it for one that can be easily rinsed. Don't match your socks - just throw them in one basket. Don't use top sheets on your beds, just use a comforter. There are some things in your house that aren't worth the bother it takes teaching your kids to maintain them. You know the ones that are the most important to you - the ones truly worth the trouble.
There are other standards that may need to go. Don't require a perfectly made bed. (I am embarrassed to say that I still don't require a made bed at all…) Don't make your kids hang up the towels perfectly. I'm not saying to let your child do things halfway. But there is a happy medium. You just have to find it.
Bribe. Not really. I once read that a bribe was a payment for doing something bad. Any payment for doing something good was called a paycheck. Consider paying your child - in cash or in privileges - for some chores.
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
The Chore of Chores discusses the importance of getting our kids to do chores. Chore List lists guidelines for deciding which chore a child can do.
The fact remains, however, that kids don't like to do chores. So how do you get them to cooperate?
Do chores together. Everything is more fun with a partner. Work side by side with your child. Have your child clear the table while you wash the dishes. One of you vacuum while the other folds laundry. (Pick up those feet!) One take things off the shelves while the other dusts and wipes down the whole piece of furniture. Buy two rakes. Have a race and clean out two kitchen cabinets. See who can match the most socks. Chop vegetables together. Your child can pick up toys while you get out spring clothes.
You can also do unrelated chores - you pay bills while your child cleans the kitchen. It's the companionship - and the oversight - that matters the most. And when possible, make a point to have a positive conversation going on.
Put on some music. Flylady is a great advocate of putting on some loud and happy music while doing chores. It's hard to go slow or be lazy while listening to "I'm So Excited" by the Pointer Sisters. And yes, I just dated myself.
Time limit. Break out that timer and fire it up. "Ten minutes to put up the groceries, Ash!" Or, offer an incentive. "Clean the bathroom mirror well in under five minutes and I'll swab the toilet."
Lower your standards. I gave up long ago on trying to keep the kitchen towels separate from the kitchen rags. Now they just go in one drawer, and I know which is which. And that beautifully ornate toothbrush holder that never got clean? I ditched it for one that can be easily rinsed. Don't match your socks - just throw them in one basket. Don't use top sheets on your beds, just use a comforter. There are some things in your house that aren't worth the bother it takes teaching your kids to maintain them. You know the ones that are the most important to you - the ones truly worth the trouble.
There are other standards that may need to go. Don't require a perfectly made bed. (I am embarrassed to say that I still don't require a made bed at all…) Don't make your kids hang up the towels perfectly. I'm not saying to let your child do things halfway. But there is a happy medium. You just have to find it.
Bribe. Not really. I once read that a bribe was a payment for doing something bad. Any payment for doing something good was called a paycheck. Consider paying your child - in cash or in privileges - for some chores.
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Science Project Due?
Some of you may know that after years of struggling with science projects, we found some that worked so well that we put them into a package of guides and now sell them online. The guides are called 24 Hour Science Projects. The projects are experiment based, have step by step instructions, preformatted charts and graphs, and links to resources. As the title implies, they are fast and easy. Don't let that fool you, though - kids using our guides have won lots (and lots!) of awards. And remember, we did them with our ADHD boys! Check them out 24 Hour Science Projects here.
Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Will They Ever Learn?
Parents of forgetful and irresponsible middle schoolers - take note of the following…
Our oldest son Ron is a junior in college, but (counting one summer session) this marks his ninth college semester. We have a policy in our house that we pay half of college tuition, room and board. The boys come up with the other half - but they have to pay for all of their books. When we instituted this policy, we reasoned that it would encourage the boys to look for bargains and sell their used books.
Well, we were half right. The boys are genetically predisposed to find (or wrangle) the very best price for just about anything. Their ADHD, however, predisposes them to never get around to selling books, and to waiting until the last minute to buy their new ones.
This is 6th week of winter semester for Ron, and after ordering it last week, his last book arrived on Wednesday. The book was supposed to cost $200, and frugal Ron - even if he had the money - was not going to fork out that much. So - after checking with the professor - he ordered a previous edition. When it arrived, however, he had ordered the wrong thing. You had to feel sorry for him. He immediately emailed the vendor who was very helpful. He explained the urgency of the situation. Although it wouldn't have been so urgent had he purchased in December when he registered for class…
Anyhow, the funny moment came when I was telling the above story to my husband. "Maybe," he said, "maybe he'll do better next time."
My husband has more faith than I do! I mean, this is the ninth go round at this. But for those of you with middle schoolers - note the following. Ron knew what book to buy. That means he had to go to his list of classes and find the ISBN number of the book. He had to copy the number down correctly. And find it online. Then he had to think about how to avoid paying so much, talk to the professor about it, go back online and buy again. And he had to contact the vendor to explain the problem. This was the child that couldn't remember to bring the directions for a project home from school just eight short years ago, much less do the project alone.
So take heart. Keep plugging away, and they will grow up...But I offer no guarantee that they'll ever grow out of procrastinating!
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Our oldest son Ron is a junior in college, but (counting one summer session) this marks his ninth college semester. We have a policy in our house that we pay half of college tuition, room and board. The boys come up with the other half - but they have to pay for all of their books. When we instituted this policy, we reasoned that it would encourage the boys to look for bargains and sell their used books.
Well, we were half right. The boys are genetically predisposed to find (or wrangle) the very best price for just about anything. Their ADHD, however, predisposes them to never get around to selling books, and to waiting until the last minute to buy their new ones.
This is 6th week of winter semester for Ron, and after ordering it last week, his last book arrived on Wednesday. The book was supposed to cost $200, and frugal Ron - even if he had the money - was not going to fork out that much. So - after checking with the professor - he ordered a previous edition. When it arrived, however, he had ordered the wrong thing. You had to feel sorry for him. He immediately emailed the vendor who was very helpful. He explained the urgency of the situation. Although it wouldn't have been so urgent had he purchased in December when he registered for class…
Anyhow, the funny moment came when I was telling the above story to my husband. "Maybe," he said, "maybe he'll do better next time."
My husband has more faith than I do! I mean, this is the ninth go round at this. But for those of you with middle schoolers - note the following. Ron knew what book to buy. That means he had to go to his list of classes and find the ISBN number of the book. He had to copy the number down correctly. And find it online. Then he had to think about how to avoid paying so much, talk to the professor about it, go back online and buy again. And he had to contact the vendor to explain the problem. This was the child that couldn't remember to bring the directions for a project home from school just eight short years ago, much less do the project alone.
So take heart. Keep plugging away, and they will grow up...But I offer no guarantee that they'll ever grow out of procrastinating!
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Start at the End
Quick hint for today. When your teacher assigns end of the chapter/section questions, make sure your child reads the questions before reading the material. This helps her know what to look for as she reads. If you have a scanner or a copier at your house, copy the questions. He can jot down short answers, or mark multiple choice questions as he goes. We purchased an all in one printer/copier/fax/scanner last year, and it has been one of the best investments we've ever made. I absolutely cannot imagine life without it now.
Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Chore List - Guidelines for Assigning Chores to Kids
In a recent post, I listed five reasons that is important for us to make sure our kids do chores. You can read the list on the ADHD-Inattentive blog. But just how do we assign chores that our kids can - and will - do? Here's your chore list:
It's important to match the chore to the child. When you assign chores, take your child’s age, ability and personality into account. From the moment they are out of the high chair, a child can ‘dump their plate’ and put it in the sink. I have sweet memories of our little ones reaching over their heads to lob their dishes (plastic, of course) into the water. A two year old can sort and put away silverware, feed the dog (dry food) and put produce into the appropriate drawers in the refrigerator. They can also put toys where they belong - if you have assigned spots for each. A five year old can fold towels, set the table, water the dog, sweep the floor, dust, and make a bed. Most ten year olds can iron their own clothes, cook a simple meal, take the recycling bin to the street, and mop. By the time kids are twelve, there isn’t a whole lot they can’t do around the house - except drive the car!
Despite the above guidelines, some kids aren’t ready to do some chores. If you give a child a chore and they are genuinely overwhelmed with the skill involved, then assign something else. Our last son Ash, for example, has always been a whiz at cleaning out the cabinet that holds all the plastic containers and their lids. Our second son, however, was truly clueless on any of the organizational principles involved. Don’t be fooled, however. Kids can be real masters at feigning inability and ignorance.
Try not to give your child too many chores that they absolutely hate. I, for example, hate to mop. (I've mentioned this before...) Were I a child, I would not assign myself mopping as a daily chore. If your child likes to be outside, give her more outdoor jobs. And if your son likes to be in the kitchen, give him responsibilities there.
Give specific instructions. Your child - especially if they are ADHD - needs for you to explain exactly what you expect for them to accomplish. Don’t just say, “Clear off the table.” Give step by step instructions, and you may want to write them down and post them:
1. Fill up the sink with water, and put all the silverware in the bottom.
2. Put lids back on all the containers like milk and ketchup and put them away. (NOT in the medicine cabinet, please.)
3. Use napkins and wipe the extra food on the plates into the trash or compost, then put the plates into the sink.
4. Put away everything else. The salt and pepper shakers and the napkin holder stay on the table. You don't put them away.
5. Use a wet rag and wipe off the table. Pick up the salt and pepper shakers and napkin holder and wipe under them.
6. Push the chairs under the table.
Keep reminding for momentum. For long chores (you know, the ones more than 2 minutes!), your child might lose focus. Reminders are often necessary. You can give verbal reminders (sometimes known as nagging), flash lights, or set off a timer to ding at regular intervals. Our boys used to fight over the Triple Tell Timer. (We have a whole page of recommended timers and reminders here.) Another option is to put on a song, and tell your child the end of the song is her cue to get back on track. We’ve also tried giving rewards for finishing a chore within a certain amount of time.
Do a quality check. This is the downfall of many a chore. Don’t expect perfection, but do expect your child to have done their very best. And if they haven’t, make them do it over (and maybe over again - and again). They will be very offended as you point out their mistakes. Don’t cave.
Recognize a job well done. Whether you offer verbal praise, a financial reward, or an hour of television or gaming - thank your child for their help, and affirm their efforts.
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Visit our website here.
It's important to match the chore to the child. When you assign chores, take your child’s age, ability and personality into account. From the moment they are out of the high chair, a child can ‘dump their plate’ and put it in the sink. I have sweet memories of our little ones reaching over their heads to lob their dishes (plastic, of course) into the water. A two year old can sort and put away silverware, feed the dog (dry food) and put produce into the appropriate drawers in the refrigerator. They can also put toys where they belong - if you have assigned spots for each. A five year old can fold towels, set the table, water the dog, sweep the floor, dust, and make a bed. Most ten year olds can iron their own clothes, cook a simple meal, take the recycling bin to the street, and mop. By the time kids are twelve, there isn’t a whole lot they can’t do around the house - except drive the car!
Despite the above guidelines, some kids aren’t ready to do some chores. If you give a child a chore and they are genuinely overwhelmed with the skill involved, then assign something else. Our last son Ash, for example, has always been a whiz at cleaning out the cabinet that holds all the plastic containers and their lids. Our second son, however, was truly clueless on any of the organizational principles involved. Don’t be fooled, however. Kids can be real masters at feigning inability and ignorance.
Try not to give your child too many chores that they absolutely hate. I, for example, hate to mop. (I've mentioned this before...) Were I a child, I would not assign myself mopping as a daily chore. If your child likes to be outside, give her more outdoor jobs. And if your son likes to be in the kitchen, give him responsibilities there.
Give specific instructions. Your child - especially if they are ADHD - needs for you to explain exactly what you expect for them to accomplish. Don’t just say, “Clear off the table.” Give step by step instructions, and you may want to write them down and post them:
1. Fill up the sink with water, and put all the silverware in the bottom.
2. Put lids back on all the containers like milk and ketchup and put them away. (NOT in the medicine cabinet, please.)
3. Use napkins and wipe the extra food on the plates into the trash or compost, then put the plates into the sink.
4. Put away everything else. The salt and pepper shakers and the napkin holder stay on the table. You don't put them away.
5. Use a wet rag and wipe off the table. Pick up the salt and pepper shakers and napkin holder and wipe under them.
6. Push the chairs under the table.
Keep reminding for momentum. For long chores (you know, the ones more than 2 minutes!), your child might lose focus. Reminders are often necessary. You can give verbal reminders (sometimes known as nagging), flash lights, or set off a timer to ding at regular intervals. Our boys used to fight over the Triple Tell Timer. (We have a whole page of recommended timers and reminders here.) Another option is to put on a song, and tell your child the end of the song is her cue to get back on track. We’ve also tried giving rewards for finishing a chore within a certain amount of time.
Do a quality check. This is the downfall of many a chore. Don’t expect perfection, but do expect your child to have done their very best. And if they haven’t, make them do it over (and maybe over again - and again). They will be very offended as you point out their mistakes. Don’t cave.
Recognize a job well done. Whether you offer verbal praise, a financial reward, or an hour of television or gaming - thank your child for their help, and affirm their efforts.
-----------------------------------
Visit our website here.
ADHD - Can't Do It Alone
I get lots of feedback from newsletters, which I appreciate - and enjoy - very much. One reader, an ADHD mom, had read about my mixed feelings when our oldest son Ron decided to go back on medication. (Ron is in college.) She sent me the most interesting thought. Like Ron, she is on medication, which initially made her feel very guilty. She wrote that she now considers the ADHD medication, "a daily reminder that I can't do it on my own, I have to leave it to God." Cool thought, which I immediately passed on to Ron. By the way, Ron says the meds continue to make a HUGE and important difference for him. His grades reflect that difference.
Our decision about putting one of our sons on medication is chronicled here.
Our decision about putting one of our sons on medication is chronicled here.
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